I feel like every positive experience I have, I remind myself how other people might not have it so good. And yet, now, it sometimes feels a bit much. I feel like this reminding myself how lucky I am thing came along a few years ago when I decided I was too negative all the time, that I needed to have a great appreciation for things and to be more positive. What am I doing here? And should my position of relative of social privilege mean that I don't blog? Should it mean that every post should be pointing out how good I have it? Does being a thinking, socially conscious person mean that everything I write should evidence and awareness of my position? Sometimes I think that I spend too much time thinking about this, that it sometimes takes away from the feeling I have in a moment, when I constantly remind myself how lucky I am. and so I am reluctant to be as open as I might intuitively feel.Īnd reading this made me think about all this as well. At the same time, I am aware that things have a permanence these days online, that public is so very public. Let's face it, in reality, I am an over-sharing extrovert, so it is difficult to not to do that online. But as much as I enjoy reading that blog, I couldn't really adhere to that format. simple, a few photos, relatively anonymous, a visual diary that gives glimpses of everyday life without too much personal details. I started out, admiring one of the first blogs I started reading, and wanting my blog to be similar. But I have often been too unsure of this space to share it with people, preferring to do it more for myself, then wondering why I bother hitting publish if it's only for me. I initially started blogging as a way to be a participant in the blogging world, so that I wouldn't just be a passive observer, but could join in. I don't post links to my updates on my facebook page, as some blogging friends of mine do. I am back here, blogging into the void, questioning what this is, what I want it to be, and if I even want people to read it. If anyone has any tips on avoiding procrastinating, I'd be very receptive to them. One change that has to happen is less time spent reading blogs about people doing stuff and more time doing stuff myself.
#Observer bias how to
I'm not sure how to make myself more accountable to myself. Sometimes I wonder when or if I'll ever change into the woman of action I want to be. But, if I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that this is just par for the course with me. Perhaps the sleepless nights are simply catching up with me. I don't know where this ennui and apathy is coming from.
Even planning meals feels overwhelming, and I normally really enjoy cooking. And while the best part of my day and the biggest chunk of my day is spent playing, feeding, and nurturing V, I feel like I get next to nothing done, and I need to do more. Onerous ones I dread, and fun, creative ones. I've been making myself a list of things to do.
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